MAYDAY!!!!

After demand for the attack squirrels nearly tripled after revealing their existence in our Christmas list we here at R.I.S.E. intensified their training to hopefully meet demand for their protection services. Everything seemed to be going well until last night. Tippy, the Commander of the Bushy Tail Brigade (the name we had affectionately given them), and the rest of the B.T.B were uncommonly quiet and did not respond well to commands given by R.I.S.E. personel.

This morning we found out why. At approximately 0600 hours, Commander Tippy left a video message declaring himself and his 'brothers in fluffy malcontent' free of their duties to R.I.S.E. He simultaneously thanked us for all the walnuts and damned us for all the sodomy jokes. His last words to those of us here at R.I.S.E. were a thinly veiled warning.

Declaring himself  'Darth Nippieth, Lord of the Sith' our once budding ally has turned to the dark side. That's right people, Jedi Squirrels... worse yet.. SITH Squirrels. It seems not only now do we have to contend with the coming revolution but now a rising evil empire of the fluffy kind. Show no mercy. Run them down with your cars when you can, release the hounds, do whatever you can to slow down their take over. But whatever you do, don't shoot at them with those .22 rifles, they have lightsabers and know how to use them.

Be safe. God Bless. May the Force be with you. Shalom.. whatever floats your boat. The end draws near!!!

The Risen